How are you? 😌
When G and I arrived in Amsterdam ten days ago, we slept the first night fully clothed under newly-bought unwashed bed linen with two beach towels serving as duvets in a house that was ours but didn’t smell of us.
Our house where the furniture no longer stood as we left it three years ago, and now the walls and cabinets felt greasy and sticky to the touch, the floor showed patches of dark muck, the dining table donned a pattern of glass marks, the couch had turned six shades lighter and the pans and pots black, the balcony table missed a part of itself, and the air carried a heavy curry stank.
That’s when, under those linens and towels, hyper-aware of our immediate reality, I thought of the moving boxes stored in the basement in Sarajevo, just fresh of the boat from Singapore, and our new plans to find a home in Portugal.
It was a thought that had the potential to keep me shivering all night, so I gave it my all to ignore the factory smell of the sheets that enveloped me, the midnight chill, the work that lay in front of us, my sense of homelessness, and the fact that I had just noticed large brown oil stains on the bedroom curtains, and I lullabied myself to sleep, murmuring “nomad no more.”
I get nervous when people put me on a pedestal, and lately, I was sensing people think I’m wholesome somehow. So, here’s a post to remind you that I, too, am an imperfect, messy human, defined more by my past than all the projects, 30-day challenges, career switches, and travel you see.
Inspired by Derek Sivers, who asked me to write my backstory six years ago, Matthew McConaughey’s memoir Greenlights, and turning 35, here’s Everything I Never Told You–the dirty laundry, too much information, and insights one likely wouldn’t want their future employer reading. And here’s how it starts:
When I was in my late teens, I predicted I’d die in a car accident before I was 30. At 35, I can say that I was wrong–or at least, entirely off on the digits. The closest I got was a collision with a muse in the land of Santa Claus of all, which we both survived.
❤️ Much love to Laura for taking up a 30-day challenge with me. While Laura committed to a daily 20-minute yoga session, I promised to write for 20 minutes every day. “Everything I Never Told You” would’ve taken much longer to write without our bet and such an unwavering opponent. We’re on day 25 now, and so far, neither of us has skipped a day.
Quote I’m Pondering
Anyone worth knowing is inevitably also going to be complicated, difficult, and exasperating—making the same obvious mistakes over and over, squandering their money, dating imbeciles, endlessly relapsing into dumb addictions and self-defeating habits, blind to their own hilarious flaws and blatant contradictions and fiercely devoted to whatever keeps them miserable. (And those people about whom there is nothing ridiculous are the most ridiculous of all.) –Tim Kreider, I Wrote This Book Because I Love You