Be More Like a Man

What’s missing?

What brought me here?

What am I trying to prove?

What would life look like if I had nothing to prove, not even to myself?

We were four days into the second week of The Habit List, and these had been my Most Important Questions so far.

For the fourth chapter of The Knitting Club, Devon, Silvia, and I had chosen to practice three habits for three weeks.

One of the habits, the Most Important Question, required giving the mind an overnight question.

Halfway through the chapter, examining not only my own inquiries but also those of Devon and Silvia, I certainly wished we’d cheer up by the end of the week.

I seemed to have turned the practice into daily therapy sessions, which wasn’t quite the purpose.

I was hoping to use the habit to solve coding puzzles and boost my creativity (On the fifth day I changed course and asked: What should I write about next?)

In the same week, I happened to be reading The Psychedelic Explorer’s Guide when the following passage struck me:

As can be seen, women were more likely to take a substance for self-healing. Men take a substance significantly more often out of curiosity, to undergo a spiritual experience or a mystical experience, and to better appreciate music. In fact, men were more likely to have taken psychedelics for all reasons except self-healing.

For all the reasons except self-healing? I gasped. How relaxing, I thought, not to have self-improvement as your primary intention. But instead, to want to witness the wonders of life, satisfy your curiosity, and amplify your enjoyment of music.

For a moment, I considered my next nomination: How can I be more like a man? But then I realized that question put me back to square one.

How can I be more like a man? Only a woman would wonder.


This April, Devon, Silvia, and I started The Knitting Club. It’s one of the most important and fun things I’ve ever done with friends.

If you only read one of my posts this year, make it this one. I hope it inspires you to start something similar.


Last week, we launched a side project at TourHero: Project Travel Reopening. It’s a guide to travel restrictions with reports on where and when we can travel again. The project is open-source (coded in Vue.js), and you’re very much invited to contribute.

Quote That’s Been On My Mind

Only those who have cultivated the art of living completely in the present have any use for making plans for the future, for when the plans mature they will be able to enjoy the results. –James Fadiman, The Psychedelic Explorer’s Guide

With love,